I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We left an ass print on the piano.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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