love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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