So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
