So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
