Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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