By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
