Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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