So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
