My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
