I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
