i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
