Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
