Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
