It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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