I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
