you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
