My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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