I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
