I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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