just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
