i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
