I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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