wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
