apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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