Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
two words...techno handjob
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am available for nakedness
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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