and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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