I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
