I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
