Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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