HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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