my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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