Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
