i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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