Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
