i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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