I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
