Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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