he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
