K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
