he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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