dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The ass gains better be worth it
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