If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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