All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
