Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You are the jesus of drinking
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
