They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Semen is not good for contacts.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
