I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
