sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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