cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
