you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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