Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My brain says no but my pants say off.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
