ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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