You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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