i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
